Broadly speaking, you will find 2 kinds of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the 2 groups stated in the issue.
Sex of the narcissist is an instrument created to boost the quantity of Sources of Narcissistic Supply. If it is the most effective tool within the narcissist’s arsenal – he can make profligate using of it. In other words: if the narcissist can’t obtain adoration, admiration, approval, applause, or maybe some other attention type by some other ways (e.g., intellectually) – he resorts to sex.
Next, he be a satyr (or maybe a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately engages in sex with several partners. The sex partners of his are thought by him being objects – sources of Narcissistic Supply. It’s through the procedures of sexual conquest and good seduction that the narcissist derives his badly needed narcissistic “fix”.
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The narcissist is apt to perfect the techniques of his of courting and regard the sexual exploits of his as a kind of art. He typically exposes the side of him – in detail that is great – to others, to a market, wanting to succeed in their admiration and approval. Because the Narcissistic Supply in his situation is in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination – the narcissist is forced to hop from a single partner to yet another.
Some narcissists like “complicated” situations. If males – they choose virgins, women that are married, lesbian or frigid females, etc. The greater “difficult” the goal – the more gratifying the narcissistic outcome. Such a narcissist might be married, though he doesn’t regard the extra marital affairs of his as either immoral or maybe a breach of any implicit or explicit contract between him and the spouse of his.
He keeps explaining to anybody who cares to listen the other sexual partners of his are absolutely nothing to him, meaningless, he’s simply using them which they don’t constitute a danger and shouldn’t be taken seriously by the spouse of his. In the head of his a distinct separation exists between the authentic “woman of his life” (really, a saint) and also the whores that he’s having sex with.
With the exception of the significant females in the life of his, he has a tendency to see all women in a poor light. The behaviour of his, therefore, accomplishes a dual purpose: securing Narcissistic Supply, on one hand – and also re enacting old, unresolved traumas and conflicts (abandonment by Primary Objects and also the Oedipal conflict, for instance).
When inevitably abandoned by the loved one of his – the narcissist is veritably shocked and also hurt. This’s the crisis type, which may get him to psychotherapy. Still, deep inside, he feels obligated to still get exactly exactly the same track. His abandonment is cathartic, purifying. Following some suicidal ideation and deep depression – the narcissist is apt to really feel cleansed, unshackled, invigorated, ready for the following round of hunting.
But there’s another kind of narcissist. Also, he has bouts of sexual hyperactivity where he trades sexual partners and also is likely to consider them as objects. Nevertheless, with him, this’s a secondary behaviour. It seems mostly after major narcissistic traumas & crises.
A painful divorce, a devastating personal monetary upheaval – so this particular kind of narcissist adopts the perspective that the “old” (intellectual) solutions don’t do the job any longer. He frantically searches and gropes for brand new methods in order to attract interest, to bring his False Ego (=his grandiosity) and then to secure a subsistence level of Narcissistic Supply.
Sex is convenient and is a fantastic cause of the proper sort of supply: it’s quick, sexual partners are interchangeable, the answer is comprehensive (it encompasses all of the elements of the narcissist’s being), adventurous, highly charged, natural, and enjoyable. As a result, adhering to a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is apt to be greatly involved in sexual activities – quite often and nearly to the exclusion of all the other things.
Nevertheless, as the recollections of the problems fade, as the narcissistic injuries heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re commences and also the balance is restored – this second type of narcissist reveals his true colors. He abruptly will lose interest in sex and also in all the sexual partners of his. The frequency of the sexual activities of his deteriorates from a couple of times one day – to a couple times a year. He reverts to intellectual pursuits, politics, sports, voluntary activities – something other than sex.
This sort of narcissist is fearful of encounters with the opposite sex and it is much much more fearful of emotional commitment or involvement that he fancies himself susceptible to develop adhering to a sexual encounter. Generally, such a narcissist withdraws not just sexually – but additionally psychologically. If married – he will lose all overt interest in the loved one of his, sexual and otherwise. He confines himself to the environment of his and also ensures he’s completely focused to preclude some interaction with his nearest (and allegedly dearest).
He becomes totally submerged in “big projects”, a vision, lifelong plans, or maybe a purpose – almost all very gratifying narcissistically and all quite challenging and time consuming. In conditions that are such, sex unavoidably turns into an obligation, a need, or maybe a maintenance chore reluctantly undertaken to protect the sources of his of supply (his household or family).
The cerebral narcissist doesn’t like sex and also by far prefers “objective” or maybe masturbation, emotionless sex, like visiting prostitutes. In fact, he uses his loved one or mate as an “alibi”, a shield against the attentions of various other females, an insurance policy that preserves his virile reputation while succeeding morally and socially commendable for him to stay away from any sexual or intimate contact with others.
Ostentatiously ignoring females besides the wife of his (a kind of aggression) he feels righteous in saying: “I am a faithful husband”. At exactly the same period, he feels hostility towards the loved one of his for ostensibly preventing him from freely revealing the sexuality of his, for isolating him from carnal pleasures.
The narcissist’s thwarted logic goes something like this: “I am married/attached to this particular female. Thus, I’m not permitted to have any form of touch with other females which might be translated as much more than businesslike or casual. This’s the reason I refrain from having anything to do with females – since I’m being faithful, instead of other immoral males.
Nevertheless, I don’t like this situation. I envy my complimentary peers. They may have so much sex and romance as they wish to – while I’m restricted to this particular marriage, chained by the wife of mine, my flexibility curbed. I’m furious at her and I am going to punish her by abstaining from having sex with her.”
Thus disappointed, the narcissist minimises all manner of intercourse with his close circle (spouse, kids, parents, siblings, incredibly personal friends): sexual, verbal, or perhaps mental. He restricts himself with the rawest exchanges of info and also isolates himself socially.
His reclusion insures against a succeeding hurt and also stays away from the intimacy that he very dreads. Nevertheless, once again, this way he likewise secures abandonment and also the replay of old, unresolved, conflicts. Lastly, he is really left alone by everyone, without any Secondary Sources of Supply.
In his pursuit to discover new options, he once again embarks on ego mending bouts of sex, followed by the number of a mate or maybe a loved one (a Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source). Then the cycle re commence: a sharp decline in activity that is sexual, cruel detachment and emotional absence leading to abandonment.
The next type of narcissist is normally sexually loyal to the spouse of his. He alternates between what seems to be hyper sexuality and asexuality (really, forcefully repressed sexuality). In the 2nd stage, he can feel no sexual desires, bar most essential. He’s, thus, not obligated to “cheat” upon the mate of his, betray her, and violate the marital vows. He’s a lot more interested in stopping a worrisome dwindling down of the type of Narcissistic Supply which truly matters. Sex, he states to himself, contentedly, is for individuals who are able to do no better.